This Made Me Second Guess Every Parenting Decision I Made

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When my kids were small and I was a sleep-deprived new mother, I was regularly told by complete strangers, “Enjoy every moment! You’ll miss this one day!”

Or, “Just wait until they’re older – you’re in for it when they’re teenagers.”

I think they meant to encourage me, but really, it just made me worry. I second-guessed every decision I made, constantly trying to do my best, but wondering whose advice to follow since it all felt so conflicting.

I was worried that I wasn’t enjoying my kids enough. Worried my choices were wrong. Worried that time was slipping through my fingers.

The Psalmist in Psalm 90:12 requested that God, “teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom” (NKJV). But he didn’t request that God fill his heart with worry over those numbered days! He didn’t ask God to make him fret over every little decision. We shouldn’t either.

Plus, what those well-meaning advice givers didn’t tell me was how much fun big kids are! They didn’t say, “Your role as a parent will change over time – you’ll do less caring for physical needs and more caring about issues of the heart.”

Or, “When your kids are older, YOU CAN DITCH CANDY LAND!” (All caps on purpose, because AMEN to trading Candy Land in for Settlers of Catan and Othello!)

If I could go back, I’d worry less and trust my own instincts more.

Let’s train them intentionally and diligently, yes.

But worry continually? No.

When we’re given advice that go against our instincts, we can do 2 things:

1) Consider whether or not there’s validity to the advice.

I’ve tweaked my own parenting style many, many times in a positive way due to advice that was actually very valid. This was not to copy someone else, but it was because I could plainly see the wisdom and the fruit that someone wiser than me was gleaning, and I prayerfully considered how implementing some of their method could benefit my family.

2) Be okay knowing that your family looks different from everyone else’s.

In a recent Facebook live video, I mentioned how freeing it is to embrace your own unique family, instead of trying to fit in with everyone else. Go here to watch the replay (so sorry that the video is sideways, but if you watch from your phone, you can just rotate your phone and should be able to view it just fine!)

Remember that it’s absolutely okay – and wonderful! – that God made your family different than everyone else’s.

I’d like to pray with you:

“Dear Heavenly Father, thank You for entrusting our children into our care. Thank you for the blessing of motherhood. Please help us to stop fretting over every tiny decision, and instead to walk in confidence, knowing that You’re equipping us for the journey ahead, and that You love our children even more than we do. Help us to be the parents You want us to be, and help us to love our children well. In Jesus name, Amen.”

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” 2 Timothy 1:7 NKJV

I’d love to hear: What do you do when you’re given advice that goes against your instincts?