When Past Losses & Future Dreams Hinder Today

I receive many requests for organization advice. And sometimes, in addition to the clutter questions, I also hear desperation. Hopelessness. Feelings of being overwhelmed and worn down by the clutter.

Fear of letting go.

I completely understand. In fact, I used to feel the same way.

So I’m planning to spend time addressing several of the more difficult topics – the heart issues behind the mess. I can’t promise to have all the answers, but I can promise that you’re not alone. Here’s what one reader sent in, as well as my encouragement to her:

I know my past probably has a lot to do with why it is hard for me to let go. Growing up, my Dad was sick and so we didn’t always have much. I think that’s why I always want to save stuff for later. Our house wasn’t always straightened up and pretty, either. Not that it was bad, just lived in. My Mom worked hard so we always had enough, and I know God fortified her efforts.

Later, I married someone who has had a lot of problems with depression, leaving me as the only one bringing in the financial dough at some points of our marriage. I do admit that I have learned a whole lot about how little you can live on, but also how tight that feels, another reason I want to hold on to everything I can.

I think there’s often a direct correlation between not having enough earlier in live and wanting to cling to what we do have today – we’re afraid we might run out. It’s wonderful that you’re already recognizing this, and are taking steps to help you move forward.

Some of the things I’m holding on to I would like to use in the future…which recently has looked like it might come to pass that I’ll have my dream job and the time to use some of these things. Yet, I know there’s still too much stuff. What is a good guideline for how much to keep?

I hope you get your dream job! When I think I may want something for a future opportunity, I ask myself, “If I had to pay for this item today, would I buy it?” If not, then the item gets tossed or donated. Our tastes and needs change over time, and there’s no reason to hang on to something for “just in case” if we don’t even really like it anymore!

I used to teach. Now I am working on being a bookkeeper at home. I will need some of my items, but too much is definitely in the way! The other part of my husband dealing with depression is that I feel it, too. It has created emotional loss that has caused me to be so indecisive with my stuff.

I’m so sorry for the heartache and emotional loss you have felt. Depression can cause all areas of life to be more difficult, especially areas that require tough decision-making. I used to have a really hard time deciding what to keep, and where to put the things I did want to hold onto. I finally started telling myself that if I didn’t decide, nobody would.

Another thing that has helped me is allowing myself to not decide if I really just need more time. When I first decluttered my entire house, I kept many things that I was later able to get rid of. Allowing myself to hold on to some things I liked, just in case, helped me to make huge progress in my home without becoming paralyzed with indecisiveness about the more difficult items.

I have only recently been able to deal with certain areas of my life and have come a long way, but there’s so much farther to go. Within the last 2-3 years, I know God has been working on my heart. At the same time, I don’t just want to dump everything, but I’m ready to be free to enjoy life instead of tied to trying to keep up with all the things that are really keeping me from enjoying life as much.

I am so happy you’ve made progress and are moving forward! Decluttering and organizing will definitely help you to enjoy life more because you won’t be burdened by your stuff. Since you e-mailed me by October 30th, I’m e-mailing a complimentary copy of my new eBook to you. The practical tips and gentle encouragement woven throughout Chaos to Clutter-Free will help guide you as you clean.

I also think a simpler house would be a benefit to my husband’s mood/depression.

I agree with you that a simpler home would be beneficial to your entire family, including your husband! I used to think our home was too small to keep organized, then we moved and I thought a larger home was harder to clean. I finally realized that it’s not the house itself – it’s me. We can reduce, organize, and simplify right where God has planted us.

Thanks for your blog! I just found it yesterday, but I can’t wait to get a chance to read more!

Sweet reader, thank you so much for reaching out and sharing part of your story. You were able to take what so many people feel abstractly and put those feelings into concrete words.

Here are a few other articles you may find helpful:

Why We Keep Their Old Things… And How to Let Go

When You’re Married to a Pack-Rat

When Your Spouse is Mad About the Messy House

Does anyone have any gentle tips or kind encouragement to offer this reader today?