This Hurt SO Much When I Invited Someone Over

I’m about to share something I generally don’t talk about because I don’t enjoy stirring up painful memories, making old wounds bleed fresh. But if you’ve ever been hurt when you were hosting people in your home, then maybe you need to hear this:

I’ve closed myself off to hospitality for years now.

You see, I’ve had bad experiences. In an attempt to embrace imperfection and just be myself, I went through a period of time when I invited people in, just how things were. I left dishes in the sink, or toys on the floor, or laundry in a basket. Because, friends can do that, right?!

But I was judged. Not just a little bit, but a lot, and by more than one person. I was told, “Oh, if I knew this was such a bad time for you to have company, I would have just come later.”

Ugly, hurtful words that were gossiped about me afterwards came back to my ears.

And I vowed I would never open up my home again until it was perfect.

It didn’t mean I’d never invite people over – it just meant that I would spend so much time making my house perfect that by the time people arrived, I was often too exhausted to enjoy their company.

Then, just recently, out of town friends came. I had weeks of work deadlines followed by illness, so I wasn’t able to clean. Clutter piles were in every room. I almost cancelled, but I knew they wouldn’t be in the area for a couple more years, and we’ll be moved to our fixer upper by then.

It was literally a now or never situation.

So I didn’t cancel. And, to my own surprise, not only did I allow them to come over, but I also didn’t warn them about or apologize for the house. I simply welcomed them in.

The evening they arrived, we had the best time! The clutter piles in the kitchen didn’t matter when we were playing games with our kids on the screened-in porch. The mess disappeared from our vision when we were talking about life and just catching up and enjoying each other’s company.

And it was a wonderful reminder that the way someone responds to imperfect hospitality isn’t about the host. It’s about the heart of the guest.

 ^“A good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart brings forth evil. For out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.” Luke 6:45 (NKJV)

We can keep opening the door. Because true hospitality is about shining a light into a world that needs Jesus. Even if it means risking ridicule or rejection.

{Photo is from Jen Schmidt.}

I just finished reading Jen Schmidt’s new book, Just Open the Door and it was so healing to my heart. If you’ve ever wanted to be more hospitable, or to form closer relationships with others, then I highly recommend reading Jen’s book.