Many people who know me in real life know that I am a bit of a reserved person.

I’m working on becoming more open with others and sharing part of my heart on my blog is one way I’m doing that.

So, after much deliberation, I decided to try to boost my blog readership by offering a free eBook to subscribers and I excitedly undertook my new project. Just as I’d hoped, it worked! My readership grew significantly in a very short amount of time.

So what did I do? I hit the ground running, right? I took off with my writing and kept posting articles that others could read and share with their friends, and my subscriber list kept growing and growing, right?

Unfortunately, no.

I wrote nothing.

I struggled to figure out why I kept making excuses not to write, and believe me, I had really great ones (decluttering my entire house and the passing of my grandma were biggies).

And while those things were real reasons not to spend hours a day writing, when I honestly assessed myself I knew they weren’t the true cause for my lack of writing, so I needed to dig a little deeper.

Upon further self-examination, I finally admitted the deeper reason I wasn’t writing boiled down to one main thing: fear. (I’ve written a little bit about my fear issues here and here).

I was so afraid of writing the wrong thing and scaring my readers off that I wrote nothing.

Now, I understand the irony of this. If I write the wrong things and everyone leaves, then I’m probably not reaching anyone. If I don’t write anything at all, then I’m definitely not reaching anyone.

I also get that if I don’t write, then I’m burying my talent. And while talent-burying is a safe and comfortable way to live, it’s not what I truly want to do.

This is kind-of like the buried talents we read about in Matthew 25:14-30.

Each person in this parable was given a different amount of money (referred to as talents). The first two servants used their talents to earn more talents. But the third servant, being afraid to lose the one talent he’d been given, buried his money to keep it safe.

When it came time to report to their master, the first two servants were praised. Here’s the exchange between the third servant and his master:

Then he who had received the one talent came and said, ‘Lord… I was afraid, and went and hid your talent in the ground. Look, there you have what is yours.’

But his lord answered and said to him, ‘You wicked and lazy servant… you ought to have deposited my money with the bankers, and at my coming I would have received back my own with interest. (Matthew 25:24-27, emphasis mine)

That servant didn’t lose his talent, he simply tucked it away for safe keeping. And he was condemned for it.

The parable could be about me. Here I am blessed tremendously with a jump in subscribers, so what do I do? I hide. I bury my talent and think of every reason imaginable not to use it. But really, I am just scared. Scared of rejection, and ridicule, and losing my readership, and saying the wrong thing in the wrong way, and, and, and…

I am this one of little faith:

But when he saw that the wind was boisterous, he was afraid; and beginning to sink he cried out, saying, “Lord, save me!”And immediately Jesus stretched out His hand and caught him, and said to him, “O you of little faith, why did you doubt?” (Matthew 14:30-31)

Time and time again, God has proven His faithfulness and time and time again, I doubt.

When will I learn?

But I want to learn. I’m determined.

So, I’m going to keep writing. I’m going to write when I want to and write when I don’t. I’m making a goal to carve writing time into each day, whether it’s five minutes or two hours, in a notebook or on my computer. And I’m making a commitment to write about things that matter. I’m determined to keep writing in spite of my fears, until I conquer my fears.

And while I want to use my talent as well as I can, I also want to make sure that I’m not neglecting my family in the process.

However, if a season comes where I need to set aside writing, I hope I can choose, excuse-free, to do that with patience as I wait on the Lord.

I want to encourage you to use your own talent for good. Whether your gift is writing, sewing, baking, cleaning, teaching, or something else, please don’t bury your talent like I’ve buried mine.

My hope is that we will all use our talents well so one day we can have a conversation like this with the Lord:

He also who had received two talents came and said, ‘Lord, you delivered to me two talents; look, I have gained two more talents besides them.’

His lord said to him, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant; you have been faithful over a few things, I will make you ruler over many things. Enter into the joy of your lord.’ (Matthew 25:22-23, emphasis mine)

Shortly before Christmas, I wrote an article about time, and how we spend it. In that post, I somberly mentioned that my grandfather had just passed away.

Only three and a half short months after I wrote that article, my grandmother followed my grandfather to Paradise. She was 83 years old, but she wasn’t sick. She passed quickly and somewhat unexpectedly.

Death has a way of causing me to reflect on life.

When my grandparents were still alive on earth, I called them a few times a month and I visited them when I was in town, but if I could, I’d go back and do both of those things more often and for a little while longer.

I’d shut my door and open my ears when we were on the phone together. I’d stay in town an extra day to sit with them on their couch, just connecting and sharing life. If I could go back, I would linger more often.

My grandparents focused on faith and family because they knew what really mattered. They lived the most beautiful love story I’ve ever seen. They were married for over 65 years, and were reunited in Paradise on the month of their 66th wedding anniversary.

Oh, how I miss my grandparents. I wish I could sit down in their kitchen again and enjoy a slice of pie with them.

I wish I could call my grandmother on the phone again and tell her about my kids, or listen to her talk about when her own children were young. But I can’t because she’s gone. She’s reached her reward, and I won’t be able to have another conversation with her until I reach mine.

I want to encourage you to linger.

The sporting events, the television shows, the social media, the rush, rush, rush… one day those things will all be gone. One day, those things won’t matter anymore, but the people still will.

Please, choose to spend your time on that which matters most.

I’ve recently learned to view my energy as a rechargeable battery. Some things drain my battery, and other things recharge it.

Getting enough sleep recharges my energy battery. Reading and writing recharge. Going to large gatherings where I don’t know very many people drains it. (Can you tell that I’m a bit of an introvert?)

Once my battery is empty, I’m running on fumes and am no longer very productive.

Before I commit to a task, I try to picture my energy battery in my mind and estimate how much that task will drain or recharge my battery. I want to encourage you to do the same.

It’s important to have positive attitudes while we work and take care of necessary items, but we also need to make sure that we’re regularly finding time to do some things that recharge and refresh us.

“And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men” Colossians 3:23

Question: What recharges you?

This week has been a whirl-wind. I’m tired, my kids are tired, my house is a bit of a mess, and I’m not completely sure if everyone has enough clean clothes for the weekend.

I’ve been fighting weariness.

But, yet, I hope. I wait.

I went to a Ladies Day event in November and one of the speakers talked about the book “Plan B.” The lady who spoke has gone through (and is still going through) some really tough stuff. Her story is a long one, and it’s her story to tell, but she said something that really stuck with me. I don’t remember which part is from her and which part is from this book, but here’s what I remember:

Life doesn’t always go as planned, and it’s easy to stay strong at the beginning of a difficult situation. It’s easy to say that we can get through this. But as time goes on, we grow weary and discouraged.

When Jesus was crucified on the cross, that scene looked like chaos. Complete and utter chaos. It felt so desperate, so dark, so hopeless. There was so much grief and agony, so many people saying, “Why, God? How could this happen?” What they didn’t know was that Sunday was right around the corner. Jesus was about to raise from the dead – He was about to overcome death. They just couldn’t see forward to their Sunday on that chaotic Friday.

Often when we’re at our most discouraged, when we’re so weary that we’re ready to give up, what we don’t know is that our Sunday is right around the corner. Maybe it’s a game to Satan – he enjoys getting us to stumble right before our Sunday comes so that he can laugh while we say, “If I only knew that my Sunday was right around the corner, I could have held on just a little bit longer. If only I knew.”

When you feel so weary that you don’t think you can go like this on any longer, know that your Sunday is almost here. It’s so close. And it will be beautiful.

I’ve thought about what that person said during her speech, and it has helped me so much when I think that I just can’t wait another day. I remind myself, My Sunday is coming. It’s almost here. I just need to hold on a little longer.

And I can wait.

I know your Sunday will be here soon as well. And it will be beautiful.

I’ve written several posts about living intentionally and making the most of our time. I still agree with my other articles, but I also think it’s important to make sure that we still take time to slow down and just enjoy life.

Today, let’s do something just to savor the moment. Melt broken crayons with your kids. Call someone you haven’t talked to in awhile. Write and mail a letter to a long distance relative. Take a leisurely walk outside.

Maybe your list won’t look like mine, and that’s okay, but do something to savor the moments.

We won’t get today back so let’s enjoy it while it’s here!

“Whether it’s the best of times or the worst of times, it’s the only time we’ve got.” Art Buchwald